VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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