Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
