I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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