Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
