i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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