she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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