he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
