oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
