If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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