need another drink. this is the easiest way
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
