everyone is single if you try hard enough
where does the pee come out of this thing
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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