My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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