Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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