rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
