It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
