Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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