dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
