you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
