There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
