I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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