I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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