Michael Bay diarrhea
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My dick has a subreddit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
