So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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