ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
