My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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