ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
