the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
