OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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