im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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