he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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