Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
