At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
