I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
