You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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