she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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