My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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