thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
