They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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