i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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