Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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