Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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