JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
