Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
