is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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