If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
