we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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