I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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