He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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