Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
