so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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