I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
