Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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