My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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