Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
