If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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