Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
