My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
