I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize