I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
