I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
