he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
