Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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