I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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