im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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