After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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