I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
