I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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