I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
