oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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