I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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