i wish peter jackson would direct porn
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
