i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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