party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
