so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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